Great Relationships are Built on Self Esteem

Two friends fist bump over drinks in a bar.

Most people I know suffer from self doubt and low self esteem at some point in their lives.  Low self esteem creates unhealthy relationships and ultimately destroys them.  Relationships become unhealthy when one party acts disrespectfully toward the other.  If you have unhealthy relationships you need to make a decision.  Do you want the relationship in your life, or not.  If you do, now is the time for a reset.   Start by setting expectations with people and then holding them accountable.  It might not be easy, but necessary to heal the relationship.  You may lose some relationships over this, but those that remain will be stronger than ever.  Either way, your self esteem with be higher.  That’s a good thing because great relationships are built on self esteem.  If yours is lower than it should be improve it now.

The Ties That Bind. . .

A blog about the importance of relationships in life, health and business.

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Factors that Create Low Self-Esteem

Man wearing a name tag that reads Hello, my name is low self esteem.

Work environments that don’t support the staff can play a role in low self esteem.  I worked for a company that was so revenue-driven that we allowed our customers to make unfair demands on us. Then allowed them to treat us with disrespect when we failed to meet their unrealistic expectations.  If the customer complained to management and threatened to stop spending money with us, upper management always backed the customer.  It conditioned us to believe that we were incompetent and lazy.  Worst of all, it conditioned us to think being treated with disrespect was okay.  It was a toxic environment but I didn’t realize it until after I left the company.  Additionally, the media presents unrealistic body images to us all the time.  On top of that, social media can distort the realities of life and leave users comparing their life to those they see on screen.  That fuels the feelings inadequacy and lowers self esteem.  It’s no wonder many people life with a crisis of confidence.

Tolerance Sends the Wrong Message

To build better relationships set boundries and expectations with your friends and family.  Starting now, disrespectful actions like not returning calls or texts, asking for unreasonable favors, or burdening you with realistic obligations cannot be tolerated.  The disrespect will damage your self esteem.  If allowed to continue, those relationships will deteriorate further as the other person loses more respect for you until ultimately the relationship becomes intolerable and ends.  While tolerance is easier than being assertive, It will send the wrong message to both parties. 

A Quick Example

 I recently did this with a friend who occasionally doesn’t return messages. Through the years I have tolerated this disrespect.  Regarding a recent unreturned phone message, I told him it was unacceptable.  Everyone gets busy, but nobody is too busy to send a quick text saying, “I got your message, I’m super busy right now.  I will call you tomorrow.”  It’s respectful.  It’s common courtesy.  He agreed.  Since then, my messages are returned promptly and our relationship is on a more solid footing. 

It’s not about gaining an upper hand or showing anybody who’s boss.  It’s about your building your self esteem.  People who cannot treat you with respect don’t deserve a place in your life.  You are worth more.  Relationships have to evolve with changing circumstances.  Good ones always do.  Bad ones fade away.  If you always take steps to build your self-esteem, you will be rewarded with strong, healthy relationships.